Why Calamari and hard licquour don't mix

When going out to drink for the evening, the key thing you should consider is, have I eaten? I always like to eat a big meal before a debaucherous evening with friends. However the last time I went out, I failed to eat, thinking I could grab something at the bar. As I arrived at the bar in my area, I ordered some fried calamari, one of my favorite dishes. I hadn't drank too much, a couple of shots and two beers at that point. I hastily ate my calamari, relishing the taste and appreciating it's chewy goodness. Things seemed great as I began to drink more and finished my fried meal. An hour or so later things began to get creepy, I went to stand up from the bar and my legs didn't seem to work so well, I had drank much more in the past but this night something seemed wrong, my brain was saying, "walk you fool walk, you aren't that drunk, why won't your legs work?" I didn't know the answer, as I exited the bar everything went fuzzy and I fell forward into my friend who luckily caught me before I fell on my face. 45 puke filled and excruciatingly disgusting minutes later I had purged the evil calamari from my system, and was starting to feel semi-human again. Note to self, when Calamari goes bad it goes really bad, and it often doesn't smell like its bad, does anything fried really? It's such a great feeling to be prostrate on the sidewalk as people walk by staring at you and wondering what the hell you are on. The sidewalk actually feels quite comfortable in this state, nice and firm on the back, if you have to puke, try not to puke on yourself, this just makes things worse and leaves a lasting memory of last nights exploits for you to find on your jeans, shoes, or other article of clothing you wore the night before. There is no shame in puking your guts out in the street. If one measured all the bodily fluids secreted in the whole of New York City over its long history, how much would that be? Would it fill swimming pools full of fetid, stinking fluid? Would it fill football stadiums or maybe Olympic size swimming pools? Hard to say really but I am sure it is a large large sum of liquids and lets leave it at that. Some people say it's good to drink milk before drinking, it coats your stomach and helps you drink more, however if you are lactose intolerant this can cause a rather unsafe stomach condition and its definitely not a good idea if you are on a date, who wants to be the guy who has to keep getting up to fart? Ahhh alcohol, that lovely poison that we legalized, and a plant such as Marijuana, which grows naturally in nature is illegal, go figure. We all have different tolearnces to things, it helps to know your body and know your limits. I have learned my lesson folks, no more bar food, it's just mostly bad, greasy but is also good to coat the stomach, next time its going to be the chicken fingers, and pray that the stomach can handle it. Peace and hair grease.